


Game of Gods

by Sora Matasuki (TheLeaderOfBloodIsAMaid)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: OC cast, SBURB Fan Session, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, Spoilers for Act 7, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-02 06:44:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6555805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLeaderOfBloodIsAMaid/pseuds/Sora%20Matasuki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Mira Andler. You are 18 years old and today is April 13th. It is also the day that the world ends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. SBURBan Prelude

A girl stands in her bedroom. What will be her name?

**== > rancid armpits**

True, but that is not a name. Be kind.

**== > MIRA ANDLER**

There. That's better, now isn't it?

**== > examine room**

Your NAME is MIRA ANDLER. Your MOTHER and FATHER have left on a DATE leaving you to care your your ten year old sibling, MIKE. You have BROWN HAIR that LIKES TO CURL ALL OVER THE PLACE. GLASSES cover your face, allowing you to SEE. You are wearing a SWORD ART ONLINE shirt, as you enjoy ANIME in your spare time, and TAN SWEATPANTS.

The walls are covered in POSTERS of MOVIES YOU LIKE. CLOTHES litter the floor. 

In the narrow space between your bed and the tan wall lies your LAPTOP that had been a CHRISTMAS GIFT from both parents. On your two desks PAPERS and NOTEBOOKS lay in disorganized piles, and is the reason for your laptop's dwelling on the floor. Your father always cringes when he looks in your room, but you do not wish to tidy up. You are stubborn like that. Some might call it laziness but you merely sigh and call it what it is. Dedication.

What will you do?

**== > log onto your device and see if there has been an update you fool!**

The name calling is uncalled for but you open your laptop anyway. You input your passcode - the family standard - and soon wait for everything to boot up into accessibility. You can usually tell it's time to open the Internet browser when your SKYPE makes that strange droplet whistle noise. Your laptop is a strange thing if you ever think about it hard enough.

Before you can see if there has been an update yet, your LITTLE BROTHER knocks on the door to say that he is hungry.

You sigh and shut the laptop closed for easier transportation. The needs of a young child wait for no one.

You make your way into the KITCHEN. You set the laptop down on the black granite counter top and get to work stirring up some CHEESY NOODLES for your little brother. You set it in front of him and he sets upon it like a ravenous wolf. Hungry yourself, you decide to raid the FRIDGE.

Just your luck, your mother had thought to buy you your favorite sandwich from the convenience store further into town. It is a TURKEY SANDWICHES with CRANBERRY MUSTARD SAUCE and MAYO, the BREAD homemade in the DELI of the STORE. Truly it is the nectar of the gods. Outside of your PURPLE MAGIC ENERGY DRINK, which is the true holy MECCA of natural energy drinks. Without that you think you would have DIED in middle of tenth grade when you had to wake up at 5 AM just to get to SCHOOL on time. It also has the ADDED BENEFIT of keeping your skin CLEAR of NASTY ACNE.

You add your glorious condiments to the turkey sandwich and munch, content. You take a long swig out of the long purple can and then return your attention back to your laptop.

**== > regard MSPA notifier**

The white icon remains at 0. Homestuck has not been updated yet.

**== > regard sibling in a more standardized manner**

Your younger sibling is mumbling to himself, already queuing up another Minecraft Let’s Play from the depths of youtube’s massive archive. You roll your eyes exasperatedly and take another bite of your sandwich.

Then, your brother turns to you. “Did you know that there’s gonna be another game coming out today?” he asks you excitedly. “Good Mythical Morning was talking about it!”

“Oh really?” you ask, swallowing your sandwich bite so you can be a coherent human being.

Your little brother nods excitedly. “Yeah! I can’t remember the name though, it has something with being stuck in a house, or something. But they said it’s gonna be really awesome, so I’m really excited for that!”

“Cool.” You say with a smile, “Save up your allowance and maybe Dad’ll let you get it.”

“I dunno… it sounds like it’s a game adults might enjoy more.” And here, your little brother pouted. You couldn’t help it. You laughed.

“Who knows, buddy.” You ruffle his blond hair and slip off your high stool to place your plate in the sink. “Are you done with your food?”

Mike looks at his bowl of cheesy noodles and nods. “Yeah, I’m full.”

You grab his bowl and see that it is only half gone. Typical of a picky eater, so you wrap it in saran wrap and place it in the fridge for safe keeping. Dishes put away in the sink, and food taken care of, you grab your laptop and settle yourself down on the couch.

**== > regard MSPA notifier again**

You look at the MSPA notifier and find that the final two pages of Homestuck have finally updated. You click the icon and are met with the determined face of PM, Parcel Mistress extraordinaire.

**== > watch [S] Act 7**

Your heart begins to pound immediately at the sight of white curtains. You distantly feel as if there is something different about this flash… what is it… The curtains move and you gasp. This flash is no longer just a flash. It is an animation. It is gorgeous.

There stands Dead Tier Calliope. Oh man. Oh man. You are stunned. The music is gorgeous and hauntingly familiar. Where have you heard it before? You watch as Dead Tier Calliope raises her baton, and it hits you. It’s Overture from Symphony Impossible to Play.

You see PM and the Mayor throw the rings into the Forge. Lava spits forth as the Genesis Tadpole is released. Oh man. You’re seeing a new universe come into being aren’t you?

Your heart begins to beat faster and faster, your stomach clenching in anxiety. Please, please don’t let something go wrong. You are besotted by the flashing colors of the Tadpole, which now has legs and has entered the Battlefeild’s core.

Dead Tier Calliope is doing something. The animation is gorgeous and holds your attention for what seems like ages. She does something with her Space aspect and forms a black hole that is draining the Green Sun of it’s matter. She’s inversed her aspect! Your mouth is dropping open farther than it had when you watched Cascade, if that is even possible.

The music swells as you see the metamorphosis of the Genesis Frog begin to eat away at the Battlefield. It looks so healthy! You are in awe as the Vast Croak spreads across the void. Your eyes well up with tears and you have to wipe them away just in time to see the starstuff inside the Genesis Frog.

The Green Sun is destroyed. Lord English is finally shown and he is mortal! Vriska approaches with her army and the music swells with a deep warlike drum as the outer rim is falling to pieces.

She opens the Treasure box. You see a younger Caliborn begin to break his clock. Back in the present, the Juju is released that has contained the Beta kids trapped inside. It slams to the ground behind Vriska. Lord English looks parts pissed off and parts terrified.

As a young Caliborn begins to destroy his Judgement Clock in his quest to gain immortality, the Outer Realm begins the fall apart into a white void. We see a door form in the Juju and then a glimpse of Aradia who looks positively enchanted by all this chaos.

The red house on the lillypad shifts and changes, flipping over into a white house. Your heart picks up, because this is the same house as on the battlefield with Vriska and Lord English. Is this where the Betta kids will fight Lord English, just like in the Claymation?

You are scared for these precious kids.

The music swells into something that almost resembles a ticking clock as a door forms on the white house. John gives a thumbs up to Karkat then both turn to look at Jade who is safegarding a planet.

You see time speed up on this planet as it is terraformed. Serenity drifts down and we see PM and WV walking around and planning a setlement. Your heart does various flips and corkscrews as you see that WV actually gets his own Can Town. It looks lovely. You want to hop dimensions and live there.

Calliope, Roxy and John are walking amongst trees. Kanaya and Rose look at the sky where, the words next to the sun says “thank you for playing”. Ha, ha. They shouldn’t be smiling at that sight. That’s a big F-You to the players. Thanks for playing your rear end.

You see a fully fledged Can Town again, with many Carapacians both White and Black. In the park you see Dirk and Jake playing socker and you have to pause the video just to recollect your sanity. You also cannot see due to the tears misting your vision and stinging your eyes. You play the video once more and loose your self over the fact that Karkat, Dave AND Jade are all having a picnic together. They all look so happy. More tears are welling up and you sniffle. There’s Jane with her Dad, oh look she does get a hug after all.

Time goes back and you see all the kids again. John turns towards the off screen door and it looks almost like he’s looking at YOU instead of something off screen. Your heart begins to pound again.

Don’t do it John, you think. Something is gonna go wrong, you’re not gonna get your happily ever after, something bad’s gonna happen! It’s always done that when something goes good, Hussie won’t let you get your happy ending.

You are terrified.

Young Caliborn begins his transformation into Lord English. The music swells as John reaches out for the door.. Electricity flies off the doorknob onto his outstretched fingers.

And then it ends. It freakin' ends.

Nine minutes have never felt like such an eternity. You click the ==> and watch the white curtains fall. THE END is screaming at you.

You stare at the screen for a few moments, contemplating life and its meaning. This is the note that desolation plays to keep its instrument in tune.

**== > click strange link**

Your eyes catch sight of a strange link. Your fingers move over the mousepad and before you can catch yourself, you are clicking on the link.  
Your screen flashes to white as a blue loading box appears. A spirograph of the same color begins to to fluctuate into intricate patterns.

** [SBURB DOWNLOAD INITIATED…. 15%] **

You stare. A bead of sweat runs down your face as you watch the dreaded numbers incline.

**== > cancel download**

You try to cancel the download via fantic pressing of the Escape button. But nothing happened.

 

** [SUBURB DOWNLOAD INITIATED…100%] **

 

A new box opens up, ringed with blue. The inside is black.

 

** [SBURB version 0.0.1 **

** (c) SKAIANET SYSTEMS INCORPORATED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED **

** SBURB client is running. **

** Waiting for server to establish connection . . . ] **

 

You have a feeling that it’s going to be a long day.

 


	2. Dawn of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mira: Enter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's to hoping that I actually managed to get the Pesterlog colors to show up. EDIT: If anyone would be kind enough to help me format these darn pesterlogs, I will be forever in your debt. EDIT COMB X2: I would like to say that Writer__of__Time__and__Space is amazing for being a chum and helping me out when I needed it the most!

\- -  legendaryHistorian [LH]  started pestering  moonGeist [MG]  at 10:15  - -  

 

LH: oh thank all that is holy

LH: someone finally clicked that stupid link

LH: I’m connecting to your server now

MG: what.

\- -  legendaryHistorian [LH]  is an idle chum! - -

 

You tear your eyes away from the Pesterchum app on your desktop to peer fearfully at the SBURB application.

 

** [Client has established connection with host. **

** Press ENTER when ready.] **

 

Oh. You’re actually doing it. You’re making this happen. The other option is death by meteor but hey! Who’s really counting.

 

**== > Press Enter**

 

The box fades away into another loading screen. Your phone buzzes from the influx of Pesterchat. You don’t know how legendaryHistorian even got your chumhandle. It must be a thing from the game.

 

\- -  legendaryHistorian [LH]  started pestering  moonGeist [MG]  \- -  

 

LH: oh my gog

LH: you have a pool!

MG: uuhh

MG: technically it’s the landlord’s.

LH: blahblahblah technicalities!!

LH: anyways, where do I need to deploy this thing. We’ve only got 20 grist.

MG: If you toss the couches in the family rooms and the table in the dining room you’ll be able to have enough room I would think.

LH: why do you have such a flat house anyways?

MG: I’m in California. We don’t do split level homes.

 

Your brother is off in his room, blaring youtube. He’ll be safe and out of the way for at least a little while. You watch as the blue cursor picks up the couch you had just been on a few minutes before. You put your laptop safely down on the countertop and sit on the stool.

The couch goes flying out the window with a crash that makes you wince. There is enough space for the Totem Lathe where the couch had been and in the middle of the room is perfect for the Alchemiter. The table goes next, also out the window.

That table had been there for as long as you could remember. You would miss the old thing.

LH deploys the Cruxtruder in the space where the table had been. It’s a tight fit but you don’t need to waste any of your grist on rearranging the walls a bit, which is a blessing in disguise.

 

MG: Before you hit anything and start the countdown prematurely, I need to make sure I have a sylladex and a strife specibus first.

LH: …

LH: Why didn’t I think of that?

MG: this is so crazy, I don’t blame you for having it slip your mind.

 

With that said, you let out a hum. On the counter were sixteen cards. A full deck. Hussie had blessed you. You gather them up in your hands and frown down at them. How is this supposed to work, anyways? Do you just concentrate on what kind you want? Or-

Oh wait. There they go. There is a strange buzz in your head but it is soon forgotten as you quickly become accustomed to it. You rummage around in the kitchen drawers. Now if you just grabbed a spoon then…

The spoon is gone, and you know it’s now in your inventory. The image of a stack of cards won’t leave your mind so you assume that it functions just like John’s do.  Now… what would you use as a strife specibus anyways… You don’t want to use a hammer because that’s John’s thing. But what _can_ you use?

 

**== > Check the garage**

 

You think of the many things in the garage. Perhaps there will be something you can use there. You walk down the hallway and slip past the laundry room where there are many piles of laundry waiting to be done. You enter the garage and head to where many GARDEN TOOLS are kept.

Your eyes land on one of the walking sticks your Dad keeps for when the family or the Scouts in your Dad’s troupe go camping. It is taller than you by four feet, reaching almost nine inches. It’s perfect.

You think of your strife specibus and you instantly know that you have become a wielder of stickkind.

 

**== > Remember the meteors**

 

You suddenly recall John’s session and the meteors. You also recall distantly the fact that the countdown is still a real thing, even if you hadn’t activated your timer. You have the sudden urge to swear and flail like a deranged lunatic. You valiently refrain, as you are a lady of some class and your mother would have your hide if you were seen in acting in such a manner. You still flail a little, a whine in your throat but that is much more acceptable than the litany of cursewords that would earn you a rightful bar of soap to eat.

You hightail it back to the dining room, pestering LH at the same time. It is a wonder that you don’t crash face first into a wall. There is a loud boom that rattles the windowframes. On an ordinary day, you would think that it was just the Military setting off bombs on Base. But this is no ordinary day.

 

MG: LH!!!!!!!!!!!!

MG: WE FORGOT ABOUT THE METEORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

You are highly distressed. You skid across the tile and fall flat on your face. Your small lapdog, Gwen, pounces on you, licking your face.

“Gwen, where have _you_ been, you naughty puppy?” you ask her, wiping away drool. Your dog doesn’t answer you, only wags her tail harder. You sit up properly and pet your dog behind the ears. Gwen goes all squinty eyed and her tail becomes a blur. Every so often, her tail whacks your thigh.

 

LH: well this is unfortunate.

LH: welcome to the end of the world

MG: not funny!!!!

MG: I need you to drop the TV onto the Cruxtruder so I can customize my sprite!!!

LH: geeze calm yourself girl

LH: I got you covered.

 

There is a tearing sound and you whip your head around just in time to flatten yourself against the tile as the flatscreen TV and several sparking wires go flying overhead. There’s a loud crunch as metal tears and warps against the game construct. Guess you aren’t finishing that new anime Netflix had taunted you with. You then remember that your phone also has the Netflix app on it and wonder if you will get any signal and if Netflix will charge you for however long your subscription will last inside the game.

A dirty red spirograph shoots up into the air and floats in your direction. You glance around wildly to try and piece together what to prototype the Kernelsprite with. You remember the spoon you have in your Syladex and will it to appear in your hand.

 

**== > throw the spoon**

You aim carefully at the fluctuating Kernelsprite and let the spoon fly through the air. Gwen leaps after it and crashes into the Kernelsprite. The spoon crashes through the window. Gwensprite barks, floating over to you and licking your face silly. Sprite slime is very sticky you’ve found. Your phone buzzes. You are being Pestered.

 

LH: HAHAHAHAH

LH: oh my gosh That was hilarious! You MISSED.

MG: GWEN!!!

 

You want to cry. But at least… this way your faithful pup can follow you through the game.

You tear your eyes away from the sight of your dog turned sprite and groan at the fact that you’ve already lost a good thirty seconds from the horror of it all.

You grab the brownish red cruxite dowel from the Cruxtruder and race to the Totem Lathe. A design is carved into the cruxite and you grab it while it’s still fresh. There is no time to waste. You slam the carved cruxite dowel down upon the Alchemiter and bounce in place while you wait for it to turn into whatever artifact that will grant you access to the Medium.

Your stomach is churning, turning in on itself and creating knots in your intestines. You want to throw up. There is a flash of reddish light and a ruddy brown tree is on the Alchemiter. An apple dangles from its branches then falls into your hands. Of course it’s an apple.

You stare down at it. If you close your eyes, you can pretend it’s just a normal apple. You raise it up to your lips and take a bite.

It tastes like ash and molten glass. A light flashes, piercing through your eyelids. It’s so bright, all you can see is red.

There is an iron sent in the air. You open your eyes to see a river of red running through what used to be your backyard. Skeletal trees as white and knobby as bones encircle the house.

You have entered the Medium at last.

 **[Players online: 1]**  
**[Players offline: 11]**  
**> >Do you wish to connect . . . ?<<**


	3. Metamorphic Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack: have the insane Server Player

You stand up on wobbly legs. Perhaps it is time you find your little brother and sit down with him. Explain a few things, make sure the kid wont off himself by accident. SBURB isn’t very friendly to players, let alone the ones it deems extra.

You walk down the hall and open your brother’s door. His room is empty, except for one imp with floppy ears. You pale and slam the door, breathing heavily.

You equip your walking stick and grip it so tightly your knuckles turn white. Your brother is missing.

 

**= = > make them pay**

You are too busy having a mental breakdown, perhaps come back later?

 

**= = > be that obnoxious LH **

 

You are now the boy known to your client player as LH. What will you do now?

 

**= = > be the LH from thirty minutes before**

 

A young man stands in his office. What will this young man’s name be?

 

**= = > bookworm maggot**

 

That is not a propper name! Be polite!

 

**= = > Jack Meeds**

 

There. Not hard was it?

 

Your name is JACK MEEDS. You are TWENTY TWO years old and today is the END OF THE WORLD. You have just accidentally downloaded the GAME that will KILL YOU ALL. You are now waiting for another foolish mortal to come so you can send them to the medium.

Around you are several thick BOOKS ABOUT HISTORY. You were going to COLLEGE to learn MORE about your PASSION. It has all become meaningless to you now. The ship for a doctorate in history has long sailed and you are sad to see it leave the harbor.

A part of you is excited as you have always wanted to explore and learn about different cultures. You reckon that your planet, and consequently your consorts, will have a rich and coloroful history and a plethora of legends for you to sink your omnivorous teeth into.

You are also very, very scared. SBURB is dangerous after all.

You decide to pester your best friend, Peter. He is the one who got you into this mess after all.

 

\- -  legendaryHistorian [LH]  began pestering  gnosticAnimus [GA]  at 09:45 - -

LH: dude

LH: this is all your fault you know

LH: congrats you’ve ended the world by getting me into HOMESTUCK

LH: it was great while it lasted I guess.

LH: I mean, going to cons with you was fun! But did we really want to end the world?

LH: maybe I’m just being cynical. Are we going to mess up like the Trolls did?

LH: is this all some sick joke? I don’t even have a player to send to the Medium yet

LH: its just… waiting. Until the daisy chain of stupidity is complete.

LH: so…

LH: this is me

LH: telling you how much I’m going to miss you

LH: and if you don’t hear from me again

LH: or if I don’t hear from you again

LH: I want you to know…

LH: …

LH: …

LH: …

LH: ah forget it.

LH: you’ll be entering into the Medium, right? You’re too much a nerd to not.

LH: I’ll tell you when we see eachother.

LH: later nerd

\- -  legendaryHistorian [LH]  has stopped pestering  gnosticAnimus [GA]  at 10:05 - -

 

 **= = > Be the current Jack.** 

You are the current Jack. You don’t know why you WOULDN’T be the current Jack. This line of inquiry is pointless. You have just finished sending your Client Player into the Medium, and now face another waiting period.

This is going to be awfully boring, isn’t it?

You set your phone aside and settle down.

**= = > elevate your boredom**

 You are suddenly filled with the desire to tell Peter about the dogsprite MG had prototyped. Man, the look on the kid’s face was PRICELESS. Peter would totally get a kick out of it.

Your finger brushes against a new chumhandle in your chum list instead of the one you’re looking for. You panic and find you can’t abscond from the conversation.

 

\- -  legendaryHistorian [LH] began pestering  airPotato [AP]  at 11:39 - -

 LH: whoops

AP: whoops?

LH: clicked your name on accident

 LH: I was trying to contact my friend Peter but... his chumhandle wasn't there anymore

AP: sorry to hear that

AP: mr.???

LH: ah my appologies. You can call me Jack.

LH: and you are?

AP: name's Ace

LH: It's nice to meet you Ace.

AP: same to you

 

You look at your computer as it beeps again.

****

** [Client has established connection with host. **

** Press ENTER when ready.] **

 

LH: did you by any chance happen to click a strange link?

 AP: yeah i did why askin'?

LH: I would advise you take a look at your screen

AP: what do yo-

AP: oh

LH: yes

AP: o

LH: it appears you are my server player

AP: well then

LH: do you see me waving?

AP: uh

AP: yeah

AP: you're so smoll

LH: ...

AP: what?

 

You raise your eyes to the ceiling and pray to Hussie for patience.

 

LH: it's perspective I am 5'9.

\- -  legendaryHistorian [LH]  changed their mood to RANCOROUS  - -

AP: perspective shmerpective

AP: whatever

\- -   airPotato [AP]  changed their mood to CHUMMY - -

\- -   legendaryHistorian [LH]  changed their mood to DISTRAUGHT - -

AP: hey smoll little dude

AP: bro

LH: anyways, I have experience that tells me that time is of the essence

LH: yes?

AP: ...

AP: what exactly am i supposed to do? it’s been a while since i read HS from top to bottom.

You let out a whimper and bury your head into your hands. Your heart is pounding in your chest. You think you might cry. After a few seconds, you regain your composure enough to type out a reply to your fellow Homestuck fan.

LH: may Hussie have mercy on our souls

LH: alright

LH: First, you must clear room for the Cruxtruder, Alchemiter and Totem Lathe.

LH: If you will follow my movements to the second floor I have some area that will take less Grist to renovate

AP: coolio

AP: lead the way

AP: oh smoll one

LH: Alright. We are here. If you - will you stop calling me smol??? I am very tol thank you!

AP: whatever you say smoll

\- -  legendaryHistorian [LH]  changed their mood to RANCOROUS - 

AP: so what do you want me to move?

\- -  airPotato [AP]  changed their mood to ECSTATIC - -

LH: If you would move the desk and the shelves out of the window, that would be fantastic

AP: ok then

AP: lemme just pick thm up

LH: then once the room is clear you can deploy the Totem Lathe.

 

You have to duck as the desk nearly clips you in the head. This is it. Your Server Player is out to kill you. You’ll be dead before you can set foot into the Medium and it will be all Ace’s fault.

 

 LH: you almost hit me!

AP: whoops

LH: be more careful!

 

The items you have sacrificed are still held in the air by the blue cursor. You watch them warily.

 

AP: here i'll just throw this out the window

 

There is the audible smashing of glass. The furniture is now on your front lawn.

 

AP: aaaaannnnddd

AP: we're one

\- -   airPotato [AP]  changed their mood to CHUMMY - -

LH: one?

LH: did you mean to say 'done'?

AP: yes i did

AP: don't patornize me

AP: smoll one

 

You twitch violently at the repeated use of the internet term ‘smoll’. You are almost 6ft for heaven’s sake!

 

LH: alright. deploy the Totem Lathe, if you would Ace.

AP: alrighty then

AP: you might wanna move

AP: just in case

 

You fight the urge to say something caustic and back away to the safety of the door frame.

 

AP: cool

AP: and i'll just set it down and

\- -  airPotato [AP]  is an idle chum! - -

 

The Totem Lathe falls through the second story and into the kitchen below with an almighty crash. Despair looms over you like an overly enthusiastic grim reaper.

 

AP: ....

LH: ...

AP: sorry?

LH: *sigh*

\- -  airPotato [AP]  changed their mood to INSOLENT - -

LH: I'll just go down and we'll see what the damage is

AP: okie dokie loki

\- -   airPotato [AP]  changed their mood to CHUMMY - -

**= = > Jump down the hole**

You do not jump. Instead, you carefully slip yourself down through the hole. You swing yourself onto the countertop and take in the sight. You wince. You have to remind yourself that it’s not as bad as it could have been.

 

AP: so

AP: how bad is it?

LH: The Totem Lathe barely missed the counter. It's embedded in the tile.

 

You take a moment to boggle at the sight.

 

AP: so it's all cool?

LH: Barely. Clear out the table and we'll use that space to deploy the Cruxtruder.

AP: alright

LH: we'll want everything close by

LH: relatively

AP: makes sense

 

Just like you directed, the table soon goes out the glass sliding doors with a crash. You take a moment to mourn the loss of more furniture.

 

\- -   legendaryHistorian [LH] changed their mood to PLEASANT ￼ - -

AP: eeeeeeehhhhhhh

AP: see

AP: i'm good for something

LH: There we go, now we just need a place for - what are you doing?

AP: what?

AP: are you judging me?

LH: no no, i thought you were about to take out a wall

LH: but you werent

LH: you were just hovering the cursor

AP: nah

AP: or was i?

LH: ...

\- -   airPotato [AP]  changed their mood to PLEASANT - -

 

You roll your eyes heavenward. This player will be the death of you, you’re sure.

 

AP: don't roll your smoll eyes with me

LH: ANYWAYS, let us find a good place for the Alchemiter

 

You wander down the hall, away from the kitchen and into living room. It is an ordinary place, not too big and not too small. On one of the tables near the lamp post lies the family grimoire of magic. You nod.

 

LH: this is good.

LH: easy access, relatively few furniture to ruin windows with

AP: do you want to keep the couch or should i...

LH: you can toss it

AP: yeah!!!

\- -   airPotato [AP] changed their mood to ECSTATIC - -

LH: goodbye windows

AP: you never needed them anyways

LH: well

LH: i wouldn't say that

LH: the imps will love all the openings we've given them

LH: I will be flooded

LH: but more grist for the echeladder I suppose

AP: more practice time for you then

LH: indeed

\- -  legendaryHistorian [LH] changed their mood to CHUMMY - -

The Alchemiter is deployed with a loud thud.

LH: alright

AP: alrighty

LH: the pieces have been set

LH: now we need something heavy to smack the Cruxtruder with

AP: hmmmmm

AP: anything heavy in here?

 

You consider the grimoire.

 

LH: the family grimoire is rather heavy that should do the trick

AP: cool

 

Suddenly, everything begins the shake and rattle.

 

LH: oh dear

 

There is a loud explosion that causes you to fall to your knees, ears ringing. From your living room window you can see the flames as a house three lots from you combusts. Before you know it, the fire will spread to your home and consume the entire neighborhood. You can feel the clock ticking.

 

LH: well

AP: ...

AP: sucks to be you right now

LH: we'd best hurry up this process

AP: yep

 

You leap over the cushy chair your FATHER used to sit at. It was a great spot for a midday nap in the distance of your youth. You run down the hall, keenly aware of the floating grimoire behind you.

The cursor smacks the Cruxtruder with a violent blow and a teal sprite floats up to the ceiling, bobbing in unseen air currents.

 

AP: ooooo

AP: pretty

LH: ...what should I prototype it with? My client accidentally prototyped her dog but I have no pet.

AP: i don't know

LH: oh dear...

AP: do the most random thing in the room

Your hand snatches out to where a notebook is laying half open on the counter and throw it as hard as you can at the Kernelsprite.

AP: why that???

LH: *shrug* you said grab a random thing and it was closesty

LH: *closest

AP: whatever

 

You grab the teal cruxite from the Cruxtruder and put it in the Totem Lathe

Ace is pestering you again.

 

AP: seems like you've got everything in control-

LH: you've done a phenomenal job, Ace

AP: are you being sarcastic

AP: or actually mean it Jack?

LH: no

LH: I really mean it

AP: wow

AP: uh

AP: thanks

AP: i guess

LH: you are welcome.

\- -  airPotato [AP]  changed their mood to CHUMMY  - -

AP: now what?

LH: I need to take the cruxite to the Alchemiter and it'll prototype a Cruxite Artifact. Whatever is produced will then need to be broken. I will be sent to the Medium and you will await your own Server player.

AP: oh

AP: well then

AP: so this is goodbye

LH: yes

LH: but not forever

AP: oh!

AP: well that's good

LH: I will contact you once I am in the Medium

LH: and I am sure we will meet again

AP: you better

AP: good

AP: i'm looking forward to seeing your smoll face

You roll your eyes and grip the vase tightly in your hands. You take a deep breath and raise the vase before hurtling it to the floor. It shatters into a million teal pieces with a familiar tinkle. A flash of white light blinds you. You blink away spots and stare.

From the hole in the wall where the living room window used to be, a tall teal hedge rises high into the dark sky.

You are finally in the Medium. Your phone buzzes. You smile reluctantly down at the blue text.

AP: well

AP: see you later

AP: alligator

LH: Goodbye, Ace. :)

AP: :)

. - -  legendaryHistorian [LH] has stopped pestering  airPotato [AP] - -

**[Players online: 2]**

**[Players offline: 10]**

**> >Do you wish to connect . . . ? <<**

[YES] [NO]


	4. Sburban Genesis

**= = > Go explore the hedemazes, young Knight.**

 

You captchalogue a trusty notebook and a handy pencil. You equip your knifekind and hurtle yourself out the broken window.

 

**= = > be the plucky human AP**

 

You are now the plucky girl whose chumhandle is airPotato. You are waiting in the kitchen. What will this young woman-

 

**= = > ACE THOMPSON ESQUIRE THE THIRD**

 

 

Well. The first two were perfectly fine. Let’s try this again, shall we?

 

 

**= = > Ace Thompson**

 

Your name is ACE THOMPSON. You are FIFTEEN and currently trying to figure out if you should be EXCITED, SCARED or JUST PLAIN BORED. Your SERVER PLAYER is taking his or her sweet time. Your hair is BLONDE and very LONG. You are currently wearing your casual DAVE STRIDER COSPLAY in celebration of John’s Birthday.

You get up and pour yourself a nice tall glass of strawberry iced tea. Best to relax while you still can, yeah? Who knows when you’ll be able to savor the sweet taste of tea once you’re in the medium. You can dimly recall Dave’s long rambling complaint of how hard it had been to alchemitize AJ and shudder.

Your phone buzzes. You are being pestered. Finally.

 

\- -   savageGamer [SG] began pestering  airPotato [AP]  at 21:25 - - 

AP: oh!

AP: i was wondering when you'd get here

SG: you was waitin on me?

SG: sorry lill bro-sis

AP: nah it's fine

AP: name's Ace

AP: and yours?

SG: didn' mean ta keep ya waitin, name's Mattias but you can call me Matt

AP: well… hi Matt

SG: anythin you don't want me touchin?

You decide that you really, really, like Matt. He’s nice. The nicest. Not like that JERK Jack. Well… Jack wasn’t a jerk so much as too uptight. You wrinkle your nose for the briefest of moments. It wasn’t your fault that you were so rusty on the boringest parts of Homestuck. It’d been a few years, okay?

AP: me

AP: my food

AP: and my art

SG: alrigh

SG: i can do that

SG: any spot you don' like in particular?

AP: um...

AP: my living room

SG: alrigh lead the way to them livin space n we can show it what for

SG: m' all for destroyin stuff ya don like lil bro-sis

AP: alright

AP: you can call me sis

AP: bro

 

You head out of the kitchen and into the living room. There is a couch in a garish shade of off-white. A TV is directly in front of the couch and obscuring some photos of your family. Why hang up pictures if you’re just going to obscure them later? A giant statue of Abraham Lincoln sits in a corner. Your FATHER swears up and down that it’s a priceless heirloom but sometimes you doubt it. You absolutely abhor the décor in this room. It grates on your nerves and the color schemes don’t even work with the walls.

 

AP: so here's the room

AP: just go for it bro

SG: alrigh lil sis

 

You stand back and settle in to enjoy the chaos. Somehow, Matt has read the platonic black feelings in your heart in regards to the couch as the blue cursor picks the horrid furniture piece up and tosses it out the nearest window. You blink and are suddenly reminded about all the windows you had broken in Jack’s home.

 

SG: think that'll give us nough space?

AP: now i understand how Jack was feeling

AP: yeah

AP: that should do it

SG: alrigh what do you wan deployed? Alchemiter, Totem Lathe or the Cruxtruder thingy?

AP: uhhhh

SG: Totem Lathe's the smallest

AP: let's go with the totem pole thingy first

SG: Totem Lathe it is

 

You watch as Matt deploys the Totem Lathe where the couch had once been.

 

AP: nice

SG: think we got nough room for another one?

AP: hmmm

SG: or do we need more space ta run round?

AP: better throw out some other stuff

SG: alrigh, you point em out an I'll toss em

You point to the TV. It fizzed out randomly anyways, plus you had Netflix on your phone. Your MOTHER would be furious over all this chaos put you passed by caring and looped right back into gleeful abandon.

AP: toss it

SG: I like how you think, lil sis

The TV is out the window in a matter of seconds. The shattering of the screen was music to your ears.

SG: anythin else?

You point to the priceless statue of Abraham Lincoln.

AP: i guess he'll have to go

SG: Sorry Mr. President Sir, lil Sis says you gota leave the premisis

 

The President joins the party pile outside. Someone should bring hats.

 

AP: hehehe

SG: glad to see a lil sis smilin. we good?

AP: we're good

SG: alrigh, which of the bigsies do you wanna have?

AP: let's go with the alchemiter

SG: alrigh, one alchemiter commin righ up.

 

The Alchemiter deploys with the loudest bang you’ve heard in your fifteen years of life. Your ears ring and your eyes water.

 

AP: JEEZE

AP: THAT WAS LOUDER THAN I EXPECTED

SG: sorry sis

AP: WOW

SG: looks like the space is all tied up in here, got nother place ya hate?

AP: it's fine

AP: just unexpected

AP: that's all

AP: upstairs is pretty hated

SG: alrigh lead the way lil sis

 

You shuffle up the stairs. There are many and the steepness is real. You can’t wait to reach God Tier and gain the ability of FLIGHT (flying has been one of your dreams after all). You’d give anything to not climb more stairs.

You reach the top, slightly out of breath. The landing opens up into a large empty room before it opens further into a long hallway that leads to the bedrooms.

 

AP: go for it bro

SG: alrigh anythin you want cleared before hand?

AP: hmmmm

AP: nah

SG: alrigh

 

The blue cursor is holding the Cruxtruder pretty high in the air, close to the ceiling.

 

\- -   savageGamer [SG] is now an idle chum! - -

 

The Cruxtruder falls and hits the ground with another painfully loud bang. Your eyes water and sting. You rub at your ringing ears and eye the spiraling cracks emerging from where the Cruxtruder is half embedded in the flooring.

 

AP: well

AP: i think

AP: that may be

AP: a slight

AP: problem

SG: holy Huss you alrigh lil sis????

SG: internet went all sorts of wonky out here

AP: yeah i'm fine

AP: almost died

AP: but i'm chill

\- -   airPotato [AP]  changed their mood to SMOOTH  - -

\- -   savageGamer [SG]  changed their mood to DISTRAUGHT  - -

SG: so like

SG: we gonna be able to get all up the cruxite?

SG: cause i don' wan a lil sis to be offed before she sets foot in the medium

SG: that aint cool

 

You feel a warmth in your chest. D’aww… he really does care. Matt is the best Server Player. The BEST.

 

AP: thanks for caring about me bro

SG: hey ain no sweat off my back, lil sis.

AP: we probably should do that now

SG: yeah...

SG: don like the look of them cracks tho

AP: same

SG: i can't touch you bro s'okay if I hunt down a bed to catch you if you fall?

SG: fore you be heoric n all

 

AP: sure

AP: that's cool

SG: thanks lil sis

 

Matt’s blue cursor goes off down the hall and comes back with your sister’s mattress. You fight the urge to giggle at it.

 

SG: alrigh, im ready

SG: lets do this sis

AP: let's do this bro

 

You take two steps before you’re being pestered again. You are quickly rethinking your decision to head over to the Cruxtruder.

 

SG: ah sis... ya migh wanna crawl, cause them some scary noise them cracks makin

SG: distribute the wait n all that

SG: *weight

You carefully crawl to the Cruxtruder, army style. The ground groans ominously, making your heart race and your palms all sweaty. You barely manage to pull yourself up onto the game construct.

AP: ok

AP: i think i made it

SG: ah wait, we need somethin heavy to bop it with. here, hop on the bed, i'll dump ya on it

AP: ok

You hop onto the bed, an excited grin on your face. Matt raises the bed slightly to give both of you room to generate force.

SG: on the count of three. One...

AP: Two...

SG: THREE alleyoop!

Matt dumps you on the Cruxtruder, releasing a dark blue kKernelsprite. The cracks groan and the device falls down through the floor with you still on it.

SG: I GOTCHA LIL SIS

AP: GAH

 

Matt gets the bed angled under you and you slam dunk back first onto the mattress.

 

AP: oof

SG: whoo that woulda been a nasty fall

AP: thanks

SG: anythin you got to prototype this thing with

AP: hmmm

 

You look around the room. You spot your childhood Care Bear, Grumpy. You grab it and chuck the struffed animal at the Kernelsprite with all your might.

 

AP: CARE BEAR STAAAAARRREEEEE!!!!!!!

SG: ...

SG: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

SG: tha's a great sprite!

AP: thanks

\- -  airPotato [AP]  changed their mood to CHUMMY  - -

\- -   savageGamer [SG]  changed their mood to CHUMMY  - -

SG: now we gotta nab that cruxite n take it down to the Totem Lathe

AP: let's go!

 

You grab the cruxite cylinder and tuck it under your arm.

 

\- -  savageGamer [SG]  changed their mood to PRANKY  - -

Matt dangles the bed infront of you.

 

SG: wanna ride

AP: yeah i do!

AP: thanks!

 

Matt lowers bed down to your level and you flop down on it.

 

SG: hold on lil sis

All Matt has to do is nudge the matress slightly and you and your cruxite cylinder are sliding down the steep staircase. You raise your arms into the air gleefully.

AP: WHOOOOOOOOOOOO

SG: i hope my server player'll lemme do that

SG: i got some chill stairs beggin me to slide

AP: i hope they do too

AP: it was really fun!

SG: it looked all up sorts of fun

SG:  timers down to 3:15, lil sis we gotta finish this business quick else you gonna get yourself pummeled

AP: oh yeah

AP: forgot about my impending doom

SG: i think the cruxite goes in the totem lathe next.

AP: ok

SG: you got this sis

 

You grab the dark blue cruxite and shove it into the Totem Lathe. A Cruxite Dowel is produced.

The Alchemiter hums. A lightbulb the same color as the cruxite drops into your hands.

 

AP: huh

AP: that's pretty neat

SG: SBURB is a mysterious game

AP: true

AP: alright

SG: better hurry up n smash that thing, the timer's gettin low

AP: ok then

AP: hey Matt

SG: Yeah?

AP: see you in the medium

AP: :)

SG: I...

SG: ...

SG: yeah

SG: i'd like that

SG: :)

 

You forcefully smash the bulb against the ground. The shards of cruxite go flying in every which way as the sound of shattering glass echo in your ears.

A chill wind whistles through the broken window. Snow drifts in the air, landing in piles on the ground.

You are in the Medium.

\- -  savageGamer  has stopped pestering  airPotato  \- -

 

**[Players online: 3]**

**[Players offline: 9]**

**> >Do you wish to connect . . . ? <<**

[YES] [NO]

**[YES]**


	5. Determination of a Hero

**= = > Stay as Ace for a minute**

 

You are now in the medium. It is very cold. You shiver and see your breath mist in the air. Your Californian nerves were not built for snow, despite all your trips to Utah during Christmas. You go hunting for a coat.

 

**= = > Be Mira**

 

You are now Mira again. Several hours have passed since your mind broke and you began slaughtering imps in a rage. Your grist count is very high and you have managed to jump up to the 5th rung on your echladder. Congragulations, you are now known as Plucky Meddler.

You need to upgrade your weapon, because the walking stick. Well… you eye where a crack has begun to spread it’s spiderweb of complications through your simple stick. Yeah. You need an upgrade.

You look around and realize that you and your server player have forgotten something veeerrry important.

 

\- -  moonGeist [MG]  began pestering legendaryHistorian [LH] at 13:09 - -

 

MG: hey

MG: dude

MG: hey

MG: we forgot the device that lets us combine sylladex cards and make new stuff.

MG: dude

MG: I kinda need to rework my weapon

MG: I’m pretty sure no one wants anyone to die as stupidly as I will if we don’t get this fixed.

MG: uuuggghhh great more imps

MG: if my weapon breaks

MG: I’m blaming you.

 

\- -  moonGeist [MG] is now an idle chum! - -

 

You launch yourself into battle with a hoarse warcry. You’re hoping your stick doesn’t snap while in the middle of a fight. The black hybrids of caprician and dog are no match for your might and righteous anger.

 

**= = > be the wandering historian to be**

 

You are now Jack. You are currently lost in your hedemaze. You think they’re supposed to be hedgemazes but this world is strange and so is the name. Everything is a shade of blue and green and it completely facinates you. You have also had a minor run in with what you believe is one of your consorts. They are weasles. You suppose that your session is laying claim to the mammal section of the animal kingdom instead of the more amphibian area that the Kids and Trolls had. This is an unforseen development but you will strive to adapt anyways.

Your phone buzzes. You are being Pestered. You look at it and swear tiredly.

Guess it’s time to try and find your way out of this mess.

It’s going to be a long day.

 

**= = > be the Ace girl**

 

You are now wrapped warmly in a nice coat. You realize that you haven’t customized a strife specibus yet. You realize this just as an imp with a care bear sign on its belly shoots at you with what must be a Care Bear Stare. It leaves a hole in the wall where your head had been seconds before. You sweat and look around for a weapon.

You don’t have time for this! As your desperation mounts, you grab the first thing you see. It’s a paper fan. Hardly conductive for your purposes but it’ll have to do. You launch forward with a battle cry.

“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU STUPID IMPS!!!!”

Perhaps it would be better if we came back at a later time?

 

**= = > be the creepy boy**

Which one you’ll have to be more specific than that.

 

**= = > the one with purple text**

 

Oh Matt. You want Matt. Ok.

 

**= = > be the boy with purple text**

 

You are now the boy with purple text. What will his full name be?

 

**= = > Mattias Oclockander.**

 

I’m sure you can do better than that.

 

**= = > Mattias Waisley**

 

There. Much better.

 

Your name is MATTIAS WAISLEY. Wait no, you hate being called Mattias. Lets try that agian. Your name is MATT WAISLEY. You feel a stupid ammount of releif at recalling your own nickname. You are eighteen years old and are currently trying to get out of the room your stupid SISTER shoved you in.

The door is locked. Of course it is. You want to pull out your light brown hair but that would hurt. You consider the door then look around the room. Is there anything that would aid you in your escape? The trophy scythe on the wall glistens. You hesitate. If you pick up that scythe, you know there will be no turning back.

 

**= = > grab the scythe**

 

You grab the scythe and take a deep steadying breath. You are armed. You are dangerous.

You are full of RAGE.

The door has no chance against your new strife specibus. It falls in peices and you hurry out the door. By the time you’ve thundered down the stairs, your anger has cooled somewhat. Guilt is creeping up at you but you tell yourself that you had no choice. Besides, it was just furniture. It wasn’t like it was a body. You shiver at the thought and shove it out of your mind.

Your phone buzzes. You are being pestered.

 

\- -  vitalDreamer [VD]  began pestering  savageGamer [SG]  at 22:15 - -

 

VD: By golly

VD: You’ve been a busy one

VD: Havent you?

SG: ya can do whatcha wan to the house

SG: i don’t really care

SG: wreck it preserve it

SG: all up n anxious here bro-sis.

SG: clock tickin like ya wouldn believe

VD: Gosh you have fire encroaching from the neighboring suburbs

VD: That’s scary

SG: you betcha it scary like ya wouldn’ believe

VD: I’m Lucy

SG: Matt

VD: If its no trouble to you I’ll just take out the couches in your living space

VD: I’ll leave your kitchen alone however

 

You nod. The living room is the biggest area of the house after all. You head over there to oversee the process. You feel a rush of gratification as the couches your sister loves so much are thrown out the window one after the other. Soon there’s a shattered pile of furniture on her once prestine lawn and a couch cushion is desecrating the flowerbeds SHE made you weed all summer. Its all straight up a party out there. You should go out and dance a merry jig ontop the pile. Maybe set it alflame, make a bonfire out of it. That would really light a fire under your dear sister’s precious derriere.

You grin gleefully. Then, out of the shadows, SHE appears. Your sister’s face in enteriely engulfed in rage.

“MATTIAS I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STAY IN THAT ROOM YOU LAZY EXCUSE FOR A BROTHER.” She screams into your face, spittle landing on your cheek.

Reading Homestuck has done so much for you. Dave Strider himself helped you realize that your situation, your relationship with your sister (eerily akin to Dave’s own relationship with his Bro). You will be eternally indebited to that coolkid. You grit your teeth and pull out your scythe. You won’t let yourself be pushed around anymore. The entire fate of mankind rests in you living long enough to get into the Medium. Anger swells in your veins, even as terror fills your stomach.

 

**> >STRIFE!<< **

You doge a slap and parry with the flat side of your scythe. You push her back and you take the chance to abscond to the livingroom proper. She doesn’t follow. You take the chance to breathe in deeply and let yourself shake.

Your phone buzzes in your pocket.

 

VD: Good golly are you alright??????

SG: i

SG: i yeah im ok

VD: If you need me to drop something on her I’m more than willing to do the deed

SG: les just get me to the medium. 

SG: there I’ll just…

SG: ya know

SG: let this stupid game handle er.

SG: she ain even a propper sis

VD: If.. If you say so, Mattie.

 

You cock your head at the new nickname but shrug. You see the two big peices of game machienery deployed and take a deep breath of relief. Now you just need the totem lathe.

 

SG: how bout we place the totem thingy in the office

SG: thats got enough room.

VD: Well, you know your house better than me, Mattie :D

SG: ain that the truth, bro-sis

SG: les get this over with.

 

You are just so tired. You feel like everything is just weighing you down, making it difficult to move. But you move anyways, shuffling your steps to and fro until you’re down the hall and into the near empty office. You step aside and let your new bro-sis do their thing. Lucy deploys the totem lathe and you are already plodding steadily back towards the living room. This day has felt like it’s stretched on into eternity and it settles into your bone marrow. You’re so tired.

You point to the tv that had escaped being tossed out the window.

 

SG: use that

SG: don’t think we’ll have any time fer tv anyways

VD: Okay!

 

Lucy drops the tv onto the cruxtruder. A purple sprite floats out and nearly brushes against the ceiling. You grab the purple cruxite and head back to the totem lathe. You yawn into your hand while waiting for it to finish it’s thing.

You hear your sister scream, “MATTIAS! COME HERE AND CLEAN UP THE DEAD THING OLIVE BROUGHT IN!!!!”

You put your head in your hands and let out a whimper. Your cat has the worst timing ever.

 

SG: I gotta go clean up whatever the cat brought in.

\- -  SavageGamer [SG]  is an idle chum! - -

 

You are going to cry. It’s a dead crow. You gingerly wrap the dead animal in your hoodie with a grimmace and then catch sight of your Kernelsprite hovering over by your shoulder. Well. You have to prototype it with SOMETHING, now don’t you?

Birdsprite flaps its wings a few times experimentally and then lets forth the most aggravating squawk you’ve heard from a bird. You hurry back to the office and grab the finished totem lathe.

This is just annoying, how you have to go back and forth so many times. But you gather up your will and soldier on. You’re not going to doom this timeline just because you wanted to sleep. You put the cruxite dowel onto the Alchemiter and blink as a dark purple heart falls into your hands. It’s not a cutesy heart either. It’s shaped like an actual biological human heart and you swear you feel it beat in your grip. You let out a shriek and drop it. It crashes against the ground and you are left to blink at the sudden storm beating against your windows, making the house shudder. It is dark and grey outside.

You are in the medium.

 

**[Players online: 4]**

**[Players offline: 8]**

**> >Do you wish to connect . . . ? <<**

[YES] [NO]

**[YES]**

**> >Initializing set up . . . 14%<<**


End file.
